Don’t be bullied by the Retail Monster

I think the solar eclipse that we experienced this past August 21 somehow re-adjusted our Earthly calendar because why else would Christmas be coming so early this year? That’s sarcasm of course because I KNOW it wasn’t the eclipse’s fault but how else do you explain the determination by the RETAIL MONSTER to force the holiday season onto the public even earlier than ever? The holidays are obviously coming sooner this year because I have witnessed holiday merchandise in the stores BEFORE HALLOWEEN. What happened to the unwritten rule of “after Thanksgiving?” This is egregious on so many levels, but let’s first start with how unjust it is to Halloween and Thanksgiving! Halloween had to share the retail space with “The Holidays” this year and that doesn’t seem fair. Remember Thanksgiving? This year we are just plowing over that holiday and sliding into Christmas and Hanukah. If I were the PR rep for Thanksgiving why I would be in litigation right now. By this new calendar, we should be celebrating New Year’s Eve sometime in early December. I refuse to be bullied by the Retail Monster. In the words of every five year old I have ever known…”You’re not the boss of me!” I am not letting you tell me what to buy or what to think or when I should start listening to Christmas music on the radio. (I recommend no sooner than 10 days before the holiday!) I’m not letting you tell me what the “10 best holiday gifts” are in your opinion. I think I know the people I buy gifts for a little better than you. The Retail Monster’s biggest day is definitely the Super Bowl of Revolting Consumerism – Black Friday. I actually stay home on that day. Black Friday is not the boss of me, either. I say we slow things down a bit. Give every day its due, enjoy each sunrise and sunset, relish each holiday and give it time to shine in Walmart’s center aisle and STOP RUSHING ME, damn it!

Shifting Gears

Years back my friend Lynn and I regularly challenged ourselves with long, arduous bike rides. In 2001 we tackled a three-day tour for charity that charted us a course up a mountain pass in Vermont and into the Lake Placid region, totaling more than 120 miles for the day. In those days we used to joke that it was hardly worth getting into our bike shorts for anything less than a 50-mile “workout.” We rode hard, we rode fast and we rode with a more competitive nature. We rode like something was chasing us. Now I know what that something was. It was age. And it ended up catching me, too, but you know what? I am totally okay with it! Fast forward to 2017. Lynn and I still ride together but anyone who knew us 15-20 years ago would not think we were the same riders. Case in point, one of our most favorite rides that we do here each year on Long Island’s East End takes us on a leisurely, scenic 40-mile loop that includes at least six stops along the way and they are not all for water. Long Island’s East End is dotted with vineyards that produce some of the best tasting wine in the country. This spring we experienced the most perfect, idyllic day of biking ever recorded in our personal histories. How fast did we go? It didn’t matter. How long did it take us to ride 40 miles? Hmmmm. Over four hours, maybe? We didn’t even look at the time. We rode, we explored, and we stopped when something interested us. Here is the itinerary for those of you who would like to duplicate the perfect day on a bike. On the car ride out there…stop at Briermere’s Farm on Sound Avenue for a blueberry muffin and look at pies. 9 a.m.- Arrive at Orient Point State Park. This is home base. It’s serene and has a great view of the Long Island Sound and nice bathrooms. 10 a.m. - Head out of park, stop to look at osprey nests and turtle crossing 10:30 a.m. - Stop at Lavender By the Bay down the road. Look at lavender fields, smell lavender. Chat with lady in gift shop. 11 a.m.- Continue west down Sound Avenue but get distracted by a side road that leads to Greenport and The Blue Duck Bakery Café. As long as you are there have a coffee and treat. Head back to main road and ride until the black top gets cruddy, then turn around. Take some photos. 11:45 a.m.- Arrive BACK at the Orient Point State Park and use bathroom, have a light snack, refill water bottles. 12:15 p.m. Head back to Sound Avenue and turn around again when the blacktop gets cruddy. 12:45-Loop over onto Lighthouse Road and go visit the Horton Lighthouse. Take more photos. Take a short nap on the benches. 1:30 p.m.- Head back east on Sound Avenue but turn off at Narrow River Road to meander next to the river and enjoy the view. 2 p.m.- Head back towards the park, but veer off to the Kontokosta Winery for a glass of red. They don’t mind people in bike shorts. 2:45 p.m. - Head back to the park and admire the view of L.I. Sound once again. 3 p.m. - Change clothes and eat lunch, take another nap on the beach. I think we averaged about 13 mph that day. But it didn’t matter. Because when I looked behind me there was nothing chasing me anymore. I only saw my best friend in front of me, the glorious, flat stretch of road in front of us and the bluest sky. ## If you want to visit these places... Briermere Farm- 4414 Sound Ave., Riverhead, NY 11901 Orient Beach State Park- 40000 Main Road (Route 25), Orient, NY 11957 Lavender by the Bay- 7540 Main Rd, East Marion, NY, 11939 Greenport, NY The Blue Duck Bakery Café- 130 Front Street, Greenport, NY 1194 The Horton Lighthouse- 3575 Lighthouse Rd, Southold, NY 11971 Kontokosta Winery- 825 North Road, Greenport, New York

Sheryl Sandberg, I am listening...

Something has been bothering Opinion Lady lately about all the media backlash against Sheryl Sandberg’s new book, “Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead.” Sandberg is the COO of Facebook. That’s right. She’s second in command only to Mark. She is in a word “brilliant” and seems like a grounded person. I saw her interviewed last Sunday on “60 Minutes” by reporter Norah O'Donnell. I thought the reporter seemed to have a pre-set agenda and had her mind made up BEFORE the interview of what kind of story she wanted to write. Norah wanted a story that said, “A woman this smart, this rich and this powerful has no business leading a movement or telling other women how to succeed in business.” Her last question was: Norah O'Donnell: You know, Sheryl, people are going to say, "Oh she's got a charmed life, she went to Harvard. She's a billionaire." Sheryl Sandberg: Yep. Norah O'Donnell: "And she's telling me what I should do?" Do they have a point? WHAT? Was I hearing this question correctly? No, Norah, why don’t we ask a clerk at 7-11 those questions. This attitude is totally sexist! Donald Trump wrote books on how to succeed and how to lead. No one told him, “What do you know about it and why would people take advice from you? You’re a billionaire.” What about David Geffen, Warren Buffet and Richard Branson? Why didn’t anyone write op-ed pieces expressing skepticism that these successful men knew what they were talking about? Just because a woman has a nanny to take care of her children, she is demonized. I don’t like that. NO working mom gets by with the help of others. Whether that is a nanny, after school care, a grandma or the baby sitter down the street, we all need help. Of course we all can’t afford a nanny, but life neither is fair nor is everything even-Steven! Opinion Lady just thinks this is a double standard. Opinion Lady says, “You go Sheryl and give me all the advice about how to succeed and lead. I’ll listen.” Even though it might be too late for Opinion Lady to make her mark in the world, in a way as BIG as Sheryl has, Opinion Lady is still a cheerleader for ALL WOMEN. Go, go, go! For the full “60 Minutes” interview: http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-18560_162-57573475/sheryl-sandberg-pushes-women-to-lean-in/ ##

This is art? Who's to judge?

I visited the Museum of Modern Art last week and had a nice chuckle over this "art exhibit." Security Guards are stationed throughout the museum of course, but they stand especially close to some of the more popular works, like the Van Goghs and famous works on loan by Edvard Munch. I was trying to imagine the security guards getting their assignments in the morning at the start of their shifts:

Supervisor:"Gary, you got Starry Night. Chuck, you take The Scream. Ralph, you got The Balls."

I'm in Love With Utility Guy...

Sung to the tune of "I'm in Love With a Wonderful Guy" from South Pacific. I'd like to dedicate this song to the wonderful crew from California who fixed the power on West Gate Lane. I send this out to you with love and respect. I’m as warm as the tropics in August. I’m lit up like the Fourth of July. Wires that sparked left me home in the dark; Now I have my Utility Guy. I was cold sleeping under four blankets. A tree hit my house, but hey, I was dry. Can’t match my clothes, With no light; This sure blows. But I have my Utility Guy. Then one day he drove up in white truck and said, Dear your dreams will come true. I’ll climb up there, And fix it I swear, You’ll be doing your laundry by 2! I’m as warm as the tropics in August. I quit checking my battery supply. He fixed it all right, good bye to my flashlight. I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love with Utility Guy! by Carole Trottere

Opinion Lady goes to the movies to improve her mind, OR, documentaries can be sexy

I recently ordered two documentaries to view on my exciting Saturday nights. Sure, I like films that are entertaining, but when I saw the movie trailer for these two films I thought “I must have been busy doing other really important things back when these films were first released (like watching Step Brothers for the 20th time) but I need to make time now to get up to speed.” Inside Job, a 2010 Academy Award winning documentary was written and directed by Charles Ferguson. This film knocked my socks off. If you are a taxpayer and citizen of the world, then it is your duty to watch this documentary. I am a financial idiot and even I could comprehend about 95% of what they were talking about. It helped that Matt Damon was narrating because I think I could even understand Quantum Physics with Matt explaining it to me. The film also uses lots of cool graphics to help a “normal person” understand just what went down in the financial world. I was depressed after watching it because you feel like a little pawn in a game played by the most soulless, greedy, inhuman bastards that ever walked the Earth. The worse part? Most of them are all still in business and are still carrying out business as usual, totally void of ethics or consequences, with no regard for fellow human beings or the state of the world. Just how much money is enough for these people???? They could not spend this kind of money in 10 lifetimes. Who will have the political will to stand up these financial rapists? I have to admit that I saw Eliot Spitzer in a new light after the film. He was onto them. Check out the film: http://www.sonyclassics.com/insidejob/ Who Killed the Electric Car? A 2006 documentary directed by Chris Paine is also another eye-opening film worth watching. If you ever doubted (even a little bit) that car and oil companies are in cahoots then this film will wrap it all up with a nice little bow-THEY ARE. The American consumer look like a sheep going to slaughter as elected officials with no political will or ethics lead us off a cliff. Again, the lack of any vision for the Earth’s future, or for fellow human beings, is depressing and there is planet of blame to go around. America has to wake up and DEMAND that our elected officials force this issue. They have the technology for clean cars. We need to elect people who will make this happen. http://www.whokilledtheelectriccar.com/

Opinion Lady now considers herself a more educated voter, taxpayer and citizen of the world! Watch these films!

Snippy young men and the Hot Dog Hooker

Opinion Lady has many questions. Last week Opinion Lady sauntered up to the Bobbi Brown makeup counter in Lord and Taylor. (No, not Whitney’s Bobby Brown, silly. The makeup Bobbi Brown) and purchased a $40 compact of “bronzer.” It seemed very important at the time. When Opinion Lady asked the nice young man behind the counter if he had any free samples, he gave her three tiny samples of “Extra Eye Repair,” a thick, pasty heavy-duty eye cream for old ladies with wrinkles! Not sexy green eye shadow; not The Beach cologne; and not even a lipstick for her thin, old parched lips. But a HEAVY DUTY EYE CREAM. Opinion lady thought about taking him by his little Lord and Taylor lapels and dragging him over the counter to say, “Look again Make-Up Boy. You must have meant to give this to a grandma.” But then when Opinion Lady calmed down upon arriving home, she put on her glasses and looked at the corners of her eyes in the mirror and said, “What a smart, kind Make-Up Boy he was!” because she saw that her face had taken on the appearance of dried, cracked mud in the Utah Salt Flats. Question; “When did this happen?” The Long island hot dog hooker also has Opinion Lady asking herself some questions. “Why does this Hot Dog Hooker have better self confidence than I? I want that self esteem that spills out of a hot-pink bikini top! ” That Hot Dog hooker pounds on her blubbery stomach and proclaims it a six pack! Opinion Lady would classify it as more of a “juice box” than a six pack. Hot Dog Hooker says she has “15 more years left” in her to do her thing. “Hmmmm. Perhaps Hot Dog Hooker Lady should do the above (see Heavy Duty Eye Cream story): Calm down; go home and put your glasses on; and then look in the mirror. Lastly, Opinion Lady thinks that people should stop chasing the Hot Dog Hooker Lady. There are bigger problems to worry about in this world and plenty of real perverts and weirdoes to be keeping an eye on. Granted, most of them are home watching porn on their computers, but Hot Dog Vendor Lady doesn’t need to be run out on a rail. What do you think?